


my own soul’s warning

by foolycoolie



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Kiss Kiss Fall in Love, M/M, Reunions, episode 9 from willie’s perspective, its incredibly gay folks, plus willex reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28528791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foolycoolie/pseuds/foolycoolie
Summary: The afterlife isn’t one for happy endings. Willie knows this.So why is it so hard to say goodbye to Alex?
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 125





	my own soul’s warning

The afterlife isn’t one for happy endings.

Every ghost has to move on eventually. Solve their unfinished business and cross over to whatever is next. Their status on the earth is temporary, fueled by an unspoken connection to something remaining. A dream never fulfilled, a regret left to undo, a heartbreak to heal. Once it’s fixed, the soul moves on. 

Willie knows all of this.

So why is it so hard to say goodbye to Alex?

Maybe it’s because he knows that he’s the reason for it. Putting Alex and his band mates in a position that forced them to figure out their unfinished business and cross over before their essence was permanently drained away. Everytime he watched another jolt course through them, there’s a sudden fluttering jump in his chest from a heart that stopped beating decades ago. His own wrist briefly stings, the insignia of the Hollywood Ghost Club faded like a concert stamp that clings to your skin for days after. It’s his fault - he brought them to Caleb in the first place with the crystal clear knowledge that he could attempt to bind them to the club. In retrospective it seemed like such a stupid decision, but Willie didn’t quite understand how much Julie meant to them at that point. It wasn’t just the music that was important, it was her. He can only presume that was the same train of thought Caleb had, enticing them with the chance to do what they loved permanently. Just like he had done for Willie so many years ago, when he was merely a scared little dead boy with a bruise on his neck of grill lines from a truck. 

You cling to the living in any way you can, because it is all that’s still familiar to you.

His chest feels the heaviest it’s been in nearly three and a half decades as he stands before Alex, a weight enough to almost trick him into believing he’s still alive. His hand is clamped around his wrist, rubbing circles just above the stack of bracelets. There are _words_ sitting just at the base of his throat but they refuse to rise, leaving Willie helpless in the moment. There is so much he could say, so much he wants to say. A million ways to apologize for hurting Alex, tearing right into him on his skateboard and ripping a hole through his afterlife. He wants to say that he hopes that some part of his presence was good. That Alex felt a piece of the same tender giddiness he did when they spent time together. He hopes it wasn’t all bad because fuck, the weight of having Alex hate him for the rest of eternity is more crushing than 450 pounds of steel at 40 miles an hour. 

“I know…” Alex starts, and his heart flutters _again._ “How much you’re risking.” He shifts on the spot, eyes not quite settling on direct contact. “Thank you, Willie.”

The way his name sounds on Alex’s lips, a little bit quiet and soft and oh so right, sends his stomach careening in somersaults. He can’t help but watch him awkwardly stand with hands shoved into his jeans, shoulders curled inwards waiting for the inevitable rejection that has come so many times before. Willie wants to take his hand and drag him away from all this, take off down to Santa Monica or one of his other many hiding places where a certain magic ghost ringleader couldn’t get to them. He desperately wishes to help release that anxiety from his shoulders, to watch him unfurl and blossom like he does when he’s on stage playing drums. There is so much yet he doesn’t know about Alex, like his favourite movies or how he ended up connecting to Julie or what it would be like to wake up next to him. There is so much he will never know and part of him believes it to be the universe keeping him in check.

In the end, he settles for a wry smirk as he reaches out to gently tap Alex on the bicep. It takes a moment more for him to force the words up from his throat, trying to settle the other ones wriggling up _i’m so sorry for everything i wish i could spend more time with you i might be in love with you and that terrifies me more than anything caleb could do to you._

“I told you, I’d do anything for you.”

Alex doesn’t respond for a few seconds and his stomach drops so far it almost triggers a bout of vertigo, threatening to send his entire world spinning out of control. He said too much, it was too direct, too forward because this isn’t a world where you just get to blurt out your feelings all the time. Willie’s about to rock back on his heels, preemptively planning to leave before he makes things worse, but Alex launches forward first. In a second he’s engulfed by a sudden weight and he panics as memories of metal atop him flood back…

But it’s chased away by a gentle warmth and the scent of fabric softener, crisp spring days and lavender on the breeze, and he feels _safe_. The hug is tight but not crushing, Alex’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and grounding him here, here, here. He’s frozen to the spot, not knowing what to do with his own hands. A surge rises in his chest, a wave that he cannot name but it’s going to send him under and-

He realises that this is the first time he’s been hugged since he died.

Hands slowly creep up Alex’s back, across the muscles in his shoulders tense from clutching to Willie. There’s a sting just behind his eyes, his throat tightening with a sob forcing its way through. He’s about to cry but he doesn’t want to. Perhaps he can’t admit to himself this weakness; for all his quips and smiles and attempts to bring a bit of joy to those around him he’s never been able to turn it in on himself. He can’t admit that this hug feels bittersweet because of that tiny voice in the back of his head that hasn’t gone away for 30 years saying _you don’t deserve any of this._ Willie has resigned himself to a lifetime of smiles and nicknames to hide the gap in his chest where a heart, a soul, once was. But he can’t hurt Alex anymore than he already has, so he wraps his arms around his shoulders and buries his face in Alex’s shirt. He sinks into the lavender smell from a shirt washed decades ago but never worn, trying to ignore the rattle extending from his chest to his arms. It doesn’t get past Alex who suddenly pulls him in tighter, like he’s about to float away and desperately holding on before they both drown. Which isn’t that far from the truth in a strange way.

He can’t let go. He can’t let Alex walk away either to cross over or get caught in whatever trap Caleb has inevitably planned for them all. He doesn’t want to let go, except that he has to. 

The universe doesn’t care about whatever Willie wants. He’s a ghost after all. He’s lost his chance at a happy ending.

Slowly they untangle themselves from each other’s grasp, a shaky breath escaping from Willie’s lips. He’s relieved to see there’s no patch of damp fabric on Alex’s shirt where he had been nestled a moment ago, a pang of embarrassment at the thought of having to explain that to Luke and Reggie. The gravity of the moment settles back between them and they fall quiet. There is no distraction or teasing comment that can pull them away from what they both know is true. This is their goodbye.

Once again Alex breaks the silence and Willie is silently grateful for the fact he doesn’t have to make a fool out of himself again. “Alright, you better get out of here… before Caleb catches you with us.”

_I don’t care_ , he nearly blurts out, because he doesn’t. He couldn’t care if Caleb catches onto the fact he’s been secretly helping the boys (if he doesn’t already know). Willie is fully aware of how idiotic that sounds considering Caleb is the only thing standing between his current state as a ghost and becoming **nothing**. This was his mess to fix, soul contract or no soul contract. Except Caleb knows too much already. From the point Alex started rambling about them in the Hollywood Ghost Club and Willie had to direct him back to talking about their abilities, Caleb had his bargaining chip for both boys. The only way to win was removing the chip - having Alex, Luke, and Reggie cross over. 

His mom’s voice drifts into his head, evoking the image of warm brown locks and beaded bracelets and summer. _“Pain is inevitable, Will. We feel pain because we care deeply enough for those things to hurt us, and that’s just a part of life. Neither outweigh the other. It’s all a cycle; death leads to life, and pain leads to love.”_

Death leads to life leads to death. The cycle repeats no matter what, and it might just be okay because it gave him Alex for the briefest flickering moment. It let him feel alive again.

“Yeah.” Willie replies after a long moment. His eyes flicker up to meet Alex’s and the smile that settles on his lips is second nature. He watches Alex for the final time, trying to preserve the memory of how his hair flopped over his forehead and that shy crooked smile that peeked out whenever they were together. “I‘ll see you around, hot dog.” 

_We’ll meet again someday. We have to._

As his board appears underneath his feet and he skates away from the Orpheum, he doesn’t look back. 

  
  


—

  
  


He couldn’t stay away from the actual performance.

All day his mind had been racing with the events of that morning, replaying over and over like a record needle caught on the edge of a vinyl. It couldn’t be that easy, they couldn’t have just escaped Caleb’s watchful gaze like that. They still had control over their souls but the stamp was powerful on its own; a string that allowed Caleb to keep tabs and tug on if he so chose. A puppet master can only demonstrate his skill if he has something to control, and Willie has worked for him long enough to see the slips. The moments where the power is taken out of his hands and the predator shows a sliver of its true colors from behind the facade. 

There is no way Caleb wouldn’t pull on those strings, force the boys’ hands into accepting his deal. Do something to convince them that they were doomed without him. He knew something was up from the moment his compulsion to visit the Hollywood Ghost Club suddenly disappeared midway through the afternoon. It was a constant nagging in the back of his head no matter where he went, his body unconsciously seeking after where his soul remained. The feeling disappearing was followed by a sudden bout of vertigo, sending him tumbling off his board. As he sat on the concrete trying to steady himself again, it all clicked together. Caleb didn’t want him visiting the club, trying to keep him **out** of the club. There would be no reason for him to do that unless he knew that Willie could interfere with something.

Interfere with his plan to get Alex, Luke, and Reggie to join. 

He couldn’t enter the club but he still knew where they were meant to be tonight. Which brought him to his little perch under the neon sign of the Orpheum. There was a tiny skylight that gave him a decent view of the stage, allowing him to curl up in the small nook and watch from afar. Realistically he could have just physically entered the venue and stood amongst the crowd, considering there wasn’t anything could have stopped him. Something still gave him pause from being _there_ , amongst the crowd as if he didn’t know what was about to happen. If one of the boys saw him while performing too… he couldn’t ruin this. Ruin their second chance more than he already had. 

The Orpheum was absolutely packed with people, the energy of an excited concert crowd palpable. His eyes kept drifting to the corner of the stage where he could see just a sliver behind the curtain. Shadows moved in and out, likely stressed stagehands but no sign of Julie yet. His leg bounced faster and faster as the minutes ticked by the point their set was meant to start, anxiety bubbling up that no amount of self soothing could fix. They had to all be there. They had to perform and then cross over. _They had to._

The crowd quietens as a lone figure walks out to the keyboard, Willie’s attention perking up. This must be Julie, he thinks as she rests a flower against the keyboard and takes her seat. There’s a soft radiance to her underneath the stage lights, an orange halo to her hair. She talks for a moment about her mother, about how she hopes that she’s watching over her, and despite the terrible timing Willie actually finds himself smiling. He can tell why the boys all like her so much.

Willie closes his eyes as soft piano begins, muffled through the layer of glass separating him from the venue. Her voice is somehow clear despite the distance, _“Don’t blink, no, I don’t wanna miss it, one thing and it’s back to the beginning…”_ For a relatively small girl, her voice is an absolute powerhouse. 

She reaches the chorus but there’s no other instruments coming in, just her and the piano. The distant cheers from the crowd feel so much further away, falling rather than rising. The stage is too big for Julie alone, missing a guitar and a bass and drums. Each second that ticks by leads to his throat closing up even more, lost in the chant of _they have to they have to they have to._

_“I gotta keep on dreaming, cause I gotta catch that feeling. Whatever happens even when I’m the last standing, I’mma stand tall…”_ Julie’s voice grows as she belts the chorus, followed by the sound of drums.

The back of the stage is suddenly occupied in a flash of light by a drum kit and one beautifully familiar face sitting behind it. He finds himself unconsciously mirroring the grin plastered on Alex’s own face as he looks over at Julie. Willie can’t even hate the baby pink tuxedo and half unbuttoned shirt because it’s just so _Alex_. He’s radiant and alive in the moment just like Julie, and the pain in Willie’s chest is no longer from anxiety but affection. 

Reggie and Luke poof onto the stage in their own time and the song comes to life with all the pieces together. It had been decades since Willie had last heard live music and in the moment he wished that he had the courage to actually be amongst the crowd. He had forgotten the feeling of being at a gig, the bass line reverberating through your entire being, dancing with a bunch of strangers with that fleeting but real connection to the band in the moment. Watching the joy on the Phantoms’ faces as they performed was enough for him though. It was still a victory. 

They finish the song altogether, standing side by side and almost glowing under the stage lights. Alex’s eyes survey over the crowd before slowly drifting up, right to the skylight and Willie. His stomach lurches, desperately hoping he’s in the shadows enough to be concealed, but they end up locking eyes. Instead of the disappointment or anger he was anticipating, the only reaction from Alex is a shy but bright smile. Even from the distance, he can see the glint in his eyes. The last time he’ll ever look across a room to meet those blue eyes halfway. 

“Alex—” Willie calls out, a fraction of a moment too late. As they bow, the boys and the instruments flash out of existence, leaving Julie alone and words turning to ash on his tongue.

The Phantoms are gone. Alex is gone.

_Thank you._

  
  


—

  
  


The world keeps spinning, as it was always going to.

Time begins to speed up in the aftermath of the boys moving on. Without an anchor, the world crashes over you and drags you along with it. He tries to distract himself with skating but it doesn’t help the same way it used to. At least, not when he’ll suddenly find himself sitting in an alley with tears streaming down his face when he swears he only stopped to catch his breath a moment ago. He blinks and the sun has set, hours slipping through his fingers like sand.

Willie only visits the Club once, which probably isn’t helping the matter in the slightest. The hotel was the closest thing he had to something stable, as well as being the location of the one who had claimed his soul. On that single visit, he stumbled right into Caleb as soon as he poofed in. Rather than getting lectured about his involvement with helping the Phantoms cross over, he simply turned and walked away. No acknowledgement of any kind. Luckily one of the band members who had been there nearly as long as Willie was there to help him through the resulting influx of anxiety. According to her, Caleb had been like this for a few days now.

He was scared by that statement. A quiet Caleb was an angry Caleb, a planning Caleb.

He forced himself to keep his distance from the whole situation, waiting for it all eventually to pass. He stayed away from the Club in favour of the few abandoned houses he tended to camp in when things got overwhelming. He skated and skated and skated until the landscape of LA became a blur of grey haze. Time passed. He doesn’t know how much.

One day, his feet unconsciously bring him to the beach where the Phantoms first asked him about getting revenge on their lifer friend. Willie had told himself to avoid any of the places that would just remind him of Alex, and to his credit it doesn’t dawn on him until he’s actually there. The memory does spark a realisation: Julie. She was alone again, likely mourning the loss of the boys on top of her mother. Even if she couldn’t see him, there was nothing stopping him from going to check on her. The boys would likely appreciate it from wherever they are.

Luckily he had already been to Julie’s house once to check on Alex, making it easy to poof straight there. There’s a new plant pot right by the front door, a flower in the early stages of blooming. He tucks his skateboard underneath his arm as he walks up the stairs, not wanting to leave it anywhere in case Julie’s dad or brother spots it. He pauses at the door while his resolve falters. Was this actually a good idea? Was it intruding? There was nothing he could do to physically appear to her and help if she was struggling…

His worrisome thoughts are interrupted by a faint voice, singing drifting up on the breeze. He turns in the direction of it emanating from where the garage was. It was Julie’s voice for sure but he could swear there was a different voice mingling in there too. And could… could he hear guitar? 

It couldn’t be.

Suddenly he’s launching himself down the garden path, feet phasing over the steps as he sprints down to the garage. The sound only grows louder as he approaches, guitar and bass becoming clearer. The soles of his Vans squeal against the bricks as Willie comes to a sudden stop in front of the double doors. For a moment, he could almost mistake the thump of the kick drum for his own heart.

It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be. He was there, he _saw_ them move on. They can’t still be…

But he peers through the window and there they all are. Julie standing at her keyboard, smiling up at Luke standing next to her while both of them sing. Reggie a couple feet away plucking away at his bass. And his drummer boy, blond hair still draped across his forehead, as bright as always. 

Just at the transition into the chorus, there’s a dissonant cymbal crash and the clack of a drumstick against the side of the drum. Alex freezes, pupils widening to plates and mouth agape as the stick flies out of his grasp mid playing. The rest of them all stop seconds after and turn to follow his gaze, four pairs of eyes locked onto Willie.

He scrambles back from the doors, hands flying up to cover his mouth. There’s a sudden flare of pain on the back of his neck, an echo from the bruise that marks his death. This is the first moment he wished ghosts were able to dream just so he would have some logical explanation for what he just witnessed. They couldn’t still be here, they moved **on**. 

_Or they accepted Caleb’s deal against their will,_ that voice whispers back to him, and he shakes his head as if to forcibly throw it out. 

Alex phases through the door, a slight tension to his shoulders. He cautiously took a few steps forward before pausing. Willie slowly lowers his hands, reaching for the key dangling from his neck. Neither move for a moment, unable to cross the threshold and potentially ruin the illusion. From the other side of the courtyard, he can tell the tears beginning to well in Alex’s eyes, mirroring his own. In the early evening light, with his hair gleaming golden, he might just be the most beautiful person Willie has ever seen.

“‘lex…” He whispers before stumbling forward. Alex follows suit, both of them running until they collide in each other’s arms. The force dislodges a sob from Willie’s chest, burying his face in the crook between his neck and shoulder. Alex is strangely warm and almost tangible, his touch more solid than their first hug. Fingers reach up and start combing through his hair, another shaky breath escaping at the touch. He clings just a little bit tighter, clutching the back of Alex’s shirt as though it’s about to crumble in his hands.

Alex pulls away first, settling his hands on Willie’s shoulders instead. Willie reaches to settle his hands on his face, thumbs brushing against his cheekbone. He inhales a few times to speak but the words falter, too mixed with the tears sitting heavy in his throat.

“How- how can you be here? I thought… you were gone… if you didn’t cross over then—” His train of thought is interrupted by a sob. Alex shifts a hand to cup his jaw and Willie leans into it, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. 

“Willie, it’s okay— Julie broke the stamps. We don’t know how but after the Orpheum we came back here instead of crossing and she… she managed to reverse whatever curse Caleb put on us.” Alex speaks with a soft giddiness, pulling down his sleeve to reveal the unblemished skin where the Hollywood Ghost Club’s insignia once was. His heart swells at the sight, eyes flickering between his wrist and face. It was impossible. Nobody had ever been able to release themselves from Caleb’s stamp before. Yet there were three ghosts here who were proof.

He searches Alex’s expression for any hint that he might be lying or manipulated by Caleb, anything that proves this really is too good to be true. It slowly creeps up on him that there’s nothing but sincerity, and more than that, Alex is looking at him with such intensity that he hopes he never has to lose him again.

“Is this real?” Willie eventually asks, just loud enough for the two of them to hear.

Alex nods. “It’s real.”

Willie gently tugs him forward, eyes squeezing shut as their lips meet. It’s a short chaste kiss at first, just barely parting after a few seconds. Alex chases after, bringing them back together for a longer and deeper kiss. His heart flutters as he reaches up to cup the back of Alex’s head, smiling into the kiss. Willie’s surrounded by that lavender and fabric softener scent again and Alex’s lips are so soft and he never wants to stop kissing this boy for this rest of his afterlife.

Eventually they part for a breather, shaky laughter on Willie’s lips. Alex’s cheeks are flushed bright red but he’s smiling back, pressing their foreheads together as they stand there in the courtyard wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Hi.” Willie mumbles.

“Hi to you as well,” Alex responds, out of breath, “I’ve been thinking about that for a while.”

“Me too.” _Ever since the day I brought you to the Hollywood Ghost Club_ , he thinks.

Alex scrunches up his nose, a small chuckle on his lips. “You’re the one who said you’ll see me around, after all.” 

“It’s cause I couldn’t say goodbye to you, hot dog. Had to keep you on your toes.”

“I’m glad you didn’t say goodbye.” He admits, falling quiet for a moment before leaning in to kiss Willie again. It’s shorter but tastes of saltwater and unspoken promises. 

Their moment is interrupted by distant whoops and hollering from the garage. Alex turns and Willie peers around him to see the doors now open, Julie watching them with a knowing smile. In the background, Luke and Reggie are very energetically cheering complete with 80s fist pumps. Willie feels his own cheeks begin to burn, ducking his head for a second as Alex laughs at his band mates.

“I’m gonna be real with both of you, we all had a bet going on for how long it would take you guys to finally kiss.” Julie pipes up, folding her arms across her chest and wiggling her eyebrows in a lighthearted manner. She looks over at Willie, not through him, and it hits him that somehow she can actually see him. He clears his throat, unwrapping himself from Alex’s grasp to take a step towards her.

“Hey, sorry, I haven’t actually introduced myself properly yet. I’m—”

“Willie.” She finishes his sentence with a nod and a tiny smile. “I know who you are.”

  
  


* * *

_“i tried going against my own soul's warning_

_but in the end, something just didn't feel right._

_oh i tried diving even though the sky was storming;_

_i just wanted to get back to where you are.”_

**Author's Note:**

> i will die by the fact that my own soul’s warning by the killers was WRITTEN about willie pining after alex and so this resulted from that. i simply hope their reunion is this soft in season 2 <3
> 
> much love to my wifey tahlia for reading through the draft of this to ensure it was still coherent with my 2am ramblings. 
> 
> please let me know what you think!! i am also on tumblr (@chasesthelight) if you’d like to come yell about jatp. much love!!


End file.
